The Big C - A New Chapter in my Open Book Life - My column revealing my cancer - June 14, 2013

This is one story I never imagined that I would be writing. I debated with myself whether to write it. I sought the advice of my family and friends whether I should write it. When I asked my publisher for advice, he told me to do what I think is right. It’s funny because the quietest, most private individuals in my immediate family were the ones who encouraged me to be open and, perhaps, it might help someone along the way. My column has always been about my life and I have been very up front about my life. I am the proverbial ‘open book’. I have always shared my feelings regarding my experience as an obese woman. About being a ‘Grammy’. About my Mr. Wonderful. Pretty much about anything that comes across my path. Filthy post office buildings, knuckleheads racing down the street in atv’s, my joyful experience at our treasure trove racetrack, clothing bins around town owned by questionable causes, my love for my family and friends. I am known as the person who says out loud or writes in public what other people think but may not necessarily voice. I now want to share with you what has been my secret since the beginning of this month. On June 5th, I was entered into a battle that I didn’t want any part of. But I really had no choice. That day, I went for a follow up visit with Dr. Todd Mangione, the surgeon who removed my appendix a week earlier. My friend, Phil, drove me as my husband was stuck in Ft. Lauderdale working and I still wasn’t supposed to be driving. Once there, I was called into the office where I was expecting the typical, “let me see the incisions, how are you feeling, you can drive, go back to your normal routine”…etc…etc. Dr. Mangione started off by asking me if my ears were burning all week. I asked why. He proceeded to tell me that I had been the topic of discussion between many doctors including Dr. Tershakovec, my gall bladder surgeon. Together, they think that I may end up being the luckiest woman in Homestead. I was very confused. He was very nicely breaking the news to me that colon cancer was found in my appendix. The big “C”. Cancer! Inside my head, some very serious screaming started. ”Not me. Can’t be! He must be wrong.” I thought, “Don’t cry…hold yourself together. Is this something I should cry about? Is this good news or bad news? It can’t be me with cancer! What is this nut saying?” My head was spinning out of control and I must have sounded like a bumbling idiot as all of a sudden my vocabulary was one word, “wow!” I said it over and over. He told me that it is extremely rare….almost unheard of to find cancer in the appendix. And it is usually late (in the development of the disease) when it is discovered. They explained that the appendix is actually a part of the colon. It is usually where the cancer travels to from the colon. Hence, the luckiest woman in Homestead comment and he repeated, “Yes, you can quote me on that if you decide to write about it. I’ll state it again. You just may be the luckiest woman in Homestead.” The cancer in my appendix was contained to the first layer and did not penetrate the other two layers of the appendix. He explained how I must now move forward and see a gastroentrologist for follow up with a colonoscopy and also an oncologist to see if the cancer is elsewhere in my body. Most likely they will not do a colonoscopy until 30 days after the surgery for the appendix. He told me that he knew it was a lot to take in at this moment and if needed, I could call him back with any questions I may have. Dr. Mangione was extremely caring and kind. My mind was swimming as I went through the routine of getting copies of my paperwork and the names and numbers of the doctors I was to follow up with. Wait a minute…an oncologist? That’s a doctor who deals with cancer……cancer….again I thought….not me…this cannot be happening to me! The pathology report has got to be wrong! I walked out of the office and met Phil. As we were walking, I held myself together as I explained what was just told to me. I think I was in shock and before we got in the truck, Phil said, “I think you need a hug.” A hug was just what I needed and I was glad that my good friend was there. Phil drove me home so that I could pick up my truck now that I could drive. Once I arrived home and Phil left, I sat in my living room and the tears flowed like Niagara Falls. Sobbing, I thought, surely this day was a dream. This can’t be happening to me. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. At that moment I felt he was bombarding me. I had my gallbladder out 14 months ago, then my appendix and now this? After a good cry, I gathered myself up and went back to work. The moment someone asked me how my appointment went, I collapsed in tears again. I just never expected the Big C. Since that visit, I have run the gamut of emotions. Shock, doubt, sadness and anger are just a few. Emotionally, I find it very hard to tell people about it, and it’s even harder to keep it a secret from those who know me. Remember I’m an open book! As I stated in the beginning of my column, I debated whether or not to share this but I realize that I have so many friends and family who would feel left out if I did not tell them. Part of me feels very selfish writing about me but more of me wants to do the right thing. So let me confess. Writing is and has always been my therapy. I feel that getting this out in the open and writing about my journey will help me accept and confront the Big C. Second, I know that by telling everyone, God will be hearing many prayers on my behalf from friends, family and strangers, and one can never have too many prayers. And maybe my story will help someone else. There…..it is out in the open. I have or had cancer. Cancer has tried to make my body its home. It is what it is and I just pray that the appendix was the only spot and I will truly be as Dr. Mangione put it, “The luckiest woman in Homestead.” If not, I plan to put up one heck of a fight!