Coping with Death - my column from May 5, 2014

There is one thing in life that no matter who you are, how rich or poor, if you lived your life in a good or bad way, if you are fat or skinny, active or sedentary, short or tall, we all have it in common. That one thing that will happen to every single one of us no matter what our situation is. We cannot run or hide from it or pay someone off to make it not happen. Death is inevitable! When looking at death, we realize that a large part of death is emotions and change. We are human so we have emotions: we feel, we hurt, we love, we get angry and we can be happy, we can wallow in grief or revel in fun. We make human errors and sometimes we lose and sometimes we succeed. We undergo change and we cause change. It could be a major difference, or a minor difference. The point is it is a difference. What we do can change history or change someone’s life. Life, and the world, would definitely be different without any one of us. When death occurs, we know it is inevitable and we suffer emotions and change. This past weekend, within a thirty hour time span, my Aunt who was also my Godmother went from being very active, exercising on her treadmill and doing housework, to being intubated and finally passing away. We called her Aunt Tootie but, I am her namesake, as her real name was Doris - Doris Krapf Brown. Her husband, my Uncle Jack, passed away last year after several years of battling cancer, but Aunt Tootie’s death was a shock. She was always healthy, exercised and was very outgoing. I never knew her to be really sick. My mother, the only surviving sibling, has continually been ill but not her younger sister, Tootie. As a little girl, I always looked forward to visiting Aunt Tootie. She and my Uncle had two boys; Richard who was a year younger than me and Paul who was younger than him. Their family lived in Salem, New Jersey and it was such a thrill to either go on the ferry across the river to their home or to cross the huge DelawareMemorialBridge when driving. I remember one year being scared to death as we were lost on the ferry for many hours due to severe fog. Aunt Tootie and Uncle Jack also had a really nice cottage style house. It was a small house but intrigued me with its slanted ceilings in the two upstairs bedrooms. Compared to our row home, their home seemed like the Taj Mahal. A big yard and a huge garage in the back complimented the property. I always admired Aunt Tootie’s cuckoo clock like my Grams and to this day, I continue to be a cuckoo clock aficionado. I have three but there is always room for more. As a young girl, I was often surprised with a little gift in the mail for my birthday. I specifically remember getting a jingle jump, which I quickly clicked onto my ankle and started jumping (you had to be there to understand - Google it) and another year was a bracelet with a pink heart in it. Later in life, Aunt Tootie and Uncle Jack would come to spend the winter in Bonita Springs. Before their time there would start, they would come and spend a week or two at our home. I loved this time as Uncle Jack took over where my dad left off when he passed away - Uncle Jack would do those little jobs for me that Mr. Wonderful never had time to do. I would make a list each year and things like hanging a bird feeder or tightening a knob were always taken care of. Those little things that I truly appreciated. Aunt Tootiewould always support me; even though I didn’t see her often, I knew she love me. Now is my time where the consequences of death are inevitable and my emotions have overflowed and change will happen. I feel, I hurt, I love, I get angry. I made human errors by not calling her enough I suppose and for that I have regrets. Aunt Tootie did make a difference in my life. Life and the world will definitely be different without her. I cry.